Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Down in the Dumps

My story is very involved. I will just keep it brief and tell you my older sister died in a motorcycle crash 2 months after her high school graduation. This day was also my 11th birthday. The world as I knew it changed drastically. My mother went C-R-A-Z-Y! Now that I have children I get it. My 11 year old self didn't get it.
Everyday I get up and struggle with depression. Some of it is genetic, I really try not to play that card-it is too easy to slip into my life sucks and nothing is going to make it better mentality.
This week my days have been better. I really wish I were not so emotional. However, this is the life I have....
I want to enjoy it. But I don't.
There is really no good reason.
Except my mind is not right.
Just wanted to put this out there so I can look back and see where I am.


  1. Wow, so sorry for your loss!!

    I totally get the depression thing. I mean, really. I do. It is genetic, and runs in my family, and I do try not to play that card. I've thought of getting medication, but I really don't want to. So since it's unregulated, sometimes I can get kinda down too.

    Hang in there!

  2. I am SO SORRY to hear about your loss at such a very young and vulnerable age and stage of your life.

    I am glad you are blogging about it and hopefully you will find peace, strength and encouragment.

    You will be in prayers.

    I look forward to getting to know you and thanks for stopping by my blog!

    I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

  3. Thanks for stopping by my blog yesterday! I like the realness of yours!!

    I, too, struggle with the same thing. My dad died 2 weeks after I turned 16 and I have been traumatized ever since. I understand those emotions of knowing....'life is short so live it' but at the same time you cant because you are anxious or just down.

  4. I am so sorry. How hard for you. You were so little to have lost your sister and to have to watch your mom go through that. How are both of you coping now? I feel sometimes time makes it harder rather than easier.

  5. You know i love you...big hugs and smooches. be there soon!!!!

  6. I don't even know you really, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your loss. Although it was a long time ago, I'm sure the pain is still fresh and real. I can't imagine how hard that was for you at 11 and your mother. There are things that are "passed down" that we all deal with. I think just the fact that you recognize the issue and know there is a problem is a HUGE step. I'm thinking of you and saying a little prayer for you this morning. *hugs*

  7. I'm so sorry to hear that you lost someone so close to you at such a young age!

    (((((((huge hugs)))))))

  8. I never knew that about your sister. I'm so sorry. That's a lot at any age - let alone 11.

    Emotional people are the best kind... they rarely fake it. HA! You're an "overcomer" though, Lynn... you've done many things a lot of people never would have been strong enough to even try. *Hugs* to you.

    I hooked up with the EMME blog today and finally posted. I hope to be keeping up better in blogland these days. If Tracy comes to town some time, I'd love to see you both and have lunch or something... :-)